Immortality-Obsessed Tech Guy Trying New Technique That Involves Removing "All Blood From Body"

Entrepreneur Bryan Johnson is no longer sustaining his monomaniacal quest for immortality by exsanguinating his own progeny to stave off certain doom.

The vampiric figure — who, had he existed in another time period, would've had to lock himself in a castle to avoid the locals trying to drive a stake through his heart — announced his latest medical stunt on X-formerly-Twitter this week.

"I am no longer injecting my son's blood," Johnson boasted. "I've upgraded to something else: total plasma exchange."

Johnson shared a photo of himself brandishing a plastic sac bulging with yellow viscous goo, which he claims to be that indispensable component of blood, looking as uncannily youthful as ever.

"Here's my bag of plasma," Johnson wrote. "Who wants it?"

I am no longer injecting my son's blood.

I've upgraded to something else: total plasma exchange.

Steps:
1. Take out all blood from body
2. Separate plasma from blood
3. Replace plasma with 5% albumin & IVIG

Here's my bag of plasma. Who wants it?
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