How do I handle relatives who are upset I didn’t notify or visit them when I was briefly in the country? [closed]

I moved abroad in 2016 with my family back to my husband's home country (Ireland). At the time, I was only in contact with my mother and my aunt and had never met anyone on my paternal side before. Maybe it's the Irish thinking or the distance, but I found many long-lost relatives on both my mother's and father's sides of the family. Unfortunately, all these relatives are dispersed all over Western Canada, so it's not so easy to visit and meet with them all in one trip due to limited funds and annual leave days. For example, some of my mother's cousins live all over BC (4-hour drives and no flights from each other), and some of my father's relatives are all over Alberta and BC as well. When my maternal aunt died, I took an emergency flight back to attend her funeral. I did not tell anyone about this because it certainly was not a social trip; I was very bereaved, and it wouldn't have been a good time to meet anyone for the first time in my opinion. I didn't tell anyone, and I'm concerned that it will eventually come out that I was in town! On another occasion, I passed over Alberta and went to BC instead to see some of my mother's relatives, so I didn't mention it to my half-siblings in Alberta. Unfortunately, someone posted a picture of me on social media, and I think they found out and are upset, although they didn't fully confront me about it; they asked probing questions about that time frame. I wasn't in their town, so I didn't mention it. Some relatives are older than others. For example, I don't have as much time to visit an 80-year-old as I do my 20-year-old half-siblings. If they bring it up again, how can I handle it? My husband and I don't plan to move again as we have a house, so it does complicate things. However, no one has come to visit us all this time.

Jan 15, 2025 - 10:38

I moved abroad in 2016 with my family back to my husband's home country (Ireland). At the time, I was only in contact with my mother and my aunt and had never met anyone on my paternal side before. Maybe it's the Irish thinking or the distance, but I found many long-lost relatives on both my mother's and father's sides of the family.

Unfortunately, all these relatives are dispersed all over Western Canada, so it's not so easy to visit and meet with them all in one trip due to limited funds and annual leave days. For example, some of my mother's cousins live all over BC (4-hour drives and no flights from each other), and some of my father's relatives are all over Alberta and BC as well.

When my maternal aunt died, I took an emergency flight back to attend her funeral. I did not tell anyone about this because it certainly was not a social trip; I was very bereaved, and it wouldn't have been a good time to meet anyone for the first time in my opinion. I didn't tell anyone, and I'm concerned that it will eventually come out that I was in town!

On another occasion, I passed over Alberta and went to BC instead to see some of my mother's relatives, so I didn't mention it to my half-siblings in Alberta. Unfortunately, someone posted a picture of me on social media, and I think they found out and are upset, although they didn't fully confront me about it; they asked probing questions about that time frame. I wasn't in their town, so I didn't mention it. Some relatives are older than others. For example, I don't have as much time to visit an 80-year-old as I do my 20-year-old half-siblings. If they bring it up again, how can I handle it?

My husband and I don't plan to move again as we have a house, so it does complicate things. However, no one has come to visit us all this time.

How do I handle relatives who are upset I didn’t notify or visit them when I was briefly in the country? [closed]

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